I have this handy little (free!) app on my phone that counts down to all the important upcoming events in my life. I love it because it tells me things like there are only 113 days until MATCH DAY. And 190 days until Joe's graduation day. And only 73 days until my estimated delivery date!
Eek. 73 days! That's not very many.
73 days until our world turns upside down...again. Seriously having a baby changes things. Like family dynamics. And routines. And everyone's emotional stability! Brand new babies throw everything off kilter. It's amazing how much havoc a brand new person can create. Every time I have been pregnant I like to deny that this is going to happen. But inevitably it happens. And then we trudge through to find our new "normal".
This time I am not living in denial. I am living in fear. Seriously. I know this is going to be a hard transition for our family. And no matter how much I LOVE newborn babies (and trust me. I really, REALLY love babies!) it doesn't change reality. We are in the calm before the storm.
A lot of my fear is rooted in the fact that Hannah is a VERY busy...and...ahem...challenging toddler. I barely have a handle on her at this moment. So I can not fathom being able to manage her + a baby. I say "yes". She says "no". I tell her to stop. She runs into the street. I say sit on the stool. She stands on the counter. She fights sleep like it is going to kill her. She constantly picks on Grandpa's dog on purpose...she WANTS to get bit so she can go to the hospital!
So...ummm...yeah...not sure how I am going to adequately monitor her and keep a brand new baby alive! And I only have 73 (+/- a few) days to prepare. It just doesn't seem adequate. And by "prepare" I do mean eat many many bowls of icecream to calm my fears...and fatten this baby up. I mean the bigger he is the better, right? A sturdy baby will be more likely to survive this household. Kidding. Kinda.
Along with the impending sense of doom that came with opening up that app this morning came an urgency to take "maternity" pictures with Joe. I have never before taken maternity pictures. And I am not sure how I feel about them. They are kind of awkward and corny. And really, what does one do with maternity pictures?! Frame them? Hang them up? Put them in an album somewhere to be forgotten? Put them in the baby book?! And yet despite all my reservations I just HAD TO TAKE THEM TODAY. Because this is it folks. My last pregnancy. And I am determined to do it right. To dot all my "i"s and cross all my "t"s so to speak. To have no regrets. And while I am not over the moon excited about having maternity pictures, I am happy I won't ever have to wish I had taken them. Yes I am that neurotic. I took pictures so in the future I wouldn't regret not taking these pictures. Makes perfect sense.
And now before I disclose any more of my craziness to the world, I will end. With the maternity pictures of course. And a big bowl of ice cream.