solo

I am hanging on by a thread these days. A thread so thin I am sure it is going to snap at any moment. It's no fun living this way. Just ask my kids. Though they are too nice to mention it (and/or too young to truly grasp it). They know. They know mom is one sibling squabble...one glass of spilled milk...one toddler tantrum away from breaking down. 

The to-do list in my mind feels enormous and ever-growing. And yet my time to accomplish all the tasks necessary to wrap up life here seems so sparse.  (Three years of life!) And my energy is non-existant. And yet there is no way out. Except to keep plowing ahead. Because I have to. We are moving. It has to be done. 

The worst part about this entire moving experience (so far!) has been the fact that I have been doing it on my own. Unless of course you count my children as help - which I don't. They are more like UNhelpers. See the thing is Joe has been gone for the last 5 weeks. Away at his psychiatry rotation. (He actually sleeps in the basement of the psychiatry hospital that he is working at. Cozy, eh?) So that leaves me at home doing all the child rearing, housekeeping, and general life stuff PLUS packing for our impending move. Flying solo. But it feels more like drowning. 

And I just can't do it anymore. I am physically and mentally exhausted. And tired. And lonely. I want to quit. I want to take a nap. I want to ignore all my responsibilities. (Ignorance is bliss and all that jazz.) I really want to quit. 

But since I can't do that. It just isn't an option. This is my life and these are my responsibilities (as much as I want to ignore them). I have done the next best thing. I have called in my back-up. MY PARENTS! They are coming tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! 

We will live to see another day. I think. And another box will get packed. And hopefully a dozen more shortly after that one. My kids will have actual fun interactions in their little lives. And maybe just maybe I will take a nap. We will survive. I think. 

This thread. It's thin. Barely visible. It's hard to see with tear-filled eyes. Tears that sting of defeat. This move has kicked my butt and it hasn't even happened yet. 

PS. Sorry for being all doom & gloom. It's just how I am truly feeling at the moment. I do realize that my trials are not actual trials. It's just regular life stuff. And in a couple weeks..maybe even just a few days...I will laugh at my melodramatic self. But right now I am worn out and overwhelmed. I mean it's just a move, right?!?

PPS. Thankfully Joe is home tonight. And then tomorrow my reinforcement will show up. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. 

PPPS. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to throw a sleepover birthday party AND a going away/kid birthday party one week before the move?!? All 75 cupcakes that I need to bake and frost are mocking me from inside their cake mix box...