Because these days "running out the door" actually consists of:
Announcing to the children that we will be leaving soon. This announcement usually occurs 15-30 minutes before we need to depart.
Then when they do nothing to help us actually leave, I announce again (and again...and again...) that WE ARE LEAVING and they need to get ready.
Typically this results in them moving at a snail's pace. Sometimes towards the front door. If I am lucky. More often just aimlessly moving about occurs.
Inevitably as I am instructing them to put on their jackets and shoes, they announce to me that they do not have socks on. Yet no child makes any sort of attempt to locate the missing socks or inform me where they may have ditched said socks! About 50% of the time I send the kids to find their own socks. Which is successful 0.5% of the time. The other 50% of the time I run to their rooms and grab new socks. Honestly, dependent on the weather, a lot of the times we skip socks all together. [As in 45 degrees or warmer = no socks necessary.] That way we can avoid the "my socks are scrunching my toes" catastrophe that prevents my children from putting on their shoes!
Oh the shoes! Always the shoes. Never a matched pair to be found. I blame the baby. She has a toddle off with mis-matched shoes obsession currently. If all 3 children have matched, seasonally appropriate shoes on in under 5 minutes I call that a VICTORY.
It's at this point that Charlotte is typically having a full on melt down because she does NOT want to wear her jacket. She insists on a sweater despite the frigid temperatures. Meanwhile Isaiah is refusing to zip his jacket because "it's too stiff"! And the baby is no where to be found. It's like a marathon. One that I did not train for.
After many a stern word the big kids are finally ready-to-go. I place them in their "holding spot" while I run off to locate the baby. Without fail, she has gotten into something and created a mess in another part of the house. A mess that I do not have the time nor the energy to clean up. So it is left for my return. Because clearly I will want to pick up an entire box of Cheerios or re-roll all the toilet paper later.
Upon my return to the entry I am relieved to see the kids still in their holding spot. Unfortunately by this point they are usually either a little slap happy or arguing. And I have lost all common sense and most of my ability to cope, so all speaking is banished. A silent zone is declared.
If the baby has not soiled her diaper (which she often does just moments before we are to leave), we are on the home stretch! Kind of. Because at this point I still have to collect all necessary items. Diaper bag with diapers AND wipes. Big kid snack AND a baby snack. Three water bottles FILLED with water. Cell phone, wallet and keys! And of course any activity related paraphernalia dependent on our destination (back pack, library books, ballet slippers, etc). Don't even get me started with hats, mittens and scarves. They are my nemesis. They come off almost as quick as I can get them on the kids! To be completely honest, many times I just carry the hats and mittens in a bag and distribute them as the children decide they need them. Call me lazy. I like to think I am raising smart, independent thinkers:)
It's at this point that we are FINALLY walking out the door and yet the other half of the battle still awaits me. The CARSEATS. I won't elaborate too much. But anyone that has had the pleasure of strapping a resistant child into one of these child restraining systems knows my pain. Thankfully Isaiah can strap himself in! Every little bit helps.
Nine times out ten, its at this step in the departure process that I realize that I have not brushed my teeth or my hair or more likely both. So I run back into the house to groom myself just a bit. And of course grab myself the breakfast I skipped earlier. (By "breakfast" I mean a granola bar or a piece of candy.)
And THAT is how we "run out the door" these days. The same song and dance every day. Multiple times a day. It's slightly painful. Always tiring. And sometimes just impossible.
So if you know me in real life and I am late to our next function, now you know why. And if by some miracle I am on time (or relatively close), feel free to pat me on the back or give me a high five. And if by some miracle I still have my sanity intact and I am able to string together a somewhat intelligent conversation....well then I probably left the kids at home:)