Monday, April 7, 2014

I don't like change.

(And a bunch of other whining.)

I don't like change. Especially big changes. Oh like moves and new schools and new routines. I really dislike starting over. Re-establishing our family. All of which are lurking in my not-so-distant future. It leaves me with a sense of impending doom. Especially when I am feeling content in my current circumstances. And right now I like where we are at. It seems like we have just hit our groove here. Almost three years in. Yes, I am a slow adapter. And now it's all about to change. And I don't like that. Not one little bit. 

The funny thing is, this will be our 9th (or is it our 10th?!) move in our (nearly) 11 years of marriage. One would think I would be good at this sort of thing by now. Not so much. I still dread it as much as that first move. Maybe more. 

All of this dread has left me feeling BLAH. And feeling BLAH is not conducive to being a good mother. Not to mention I have ZERO motivation to start getting us ready to move. (Unless of course you count researching moving trucks as a start. Because I did that last night instead of getting the kids ready for bed.) Not a single box has been packed yet!

And the worst part about this move is there are still so many unknowns. I know where and when we will be moving. Kind of. We will move our stuff to my in-laws' garage. Then the kids and I have a couple weeks of fun summer events planned (in Minnesota). Joe takes his board exam and then...

Well that's where the plans end. Not for a lack of trying to plan. We have tried. Joe has applied for rotations. We have dreamed and planned. Planned and dreamed. And yet we essentially know next to nothing about our schedule for the 12 months following our move. Erg. It's all these unknowns that are eating away at me. Are we going to be together as a family next summer? Or will the kids and I stay with my parents while Joe travels? I DON'T KNOW. What state will we be in in July? And August? And September? I DON'T KNOW. Blah. 

This morning I snuck away to shower (& dress) while the girls were happily playing doll house in the living room. Ten minutes later I returned to find them in the kitchen "having a snack". Yogurt. And peanut butter. And Kix. And tortilla chips. And craisins. All mixed together and slathered all over themselves and the kitchen floor! Typically I find these type of shenanigans entertaining. Under normal circumstances I would snap a picture of them and text it to Joe so he could enjoy it as well. Not so much this time. This time I was just annoyed. Annoyed that I had a mess to clean up and annoyed that I had opted not to shave my legs. Three minutes more in the bathroom wouldn't have made a difference. I would have still had a mess to deal with BUT no hairy ankles peeking out from my high-water/ankle-length/cropped pants. Blah. 

And the thing is, we have a lot of fun things to look forward to before the move. Grandma Cyndy is visiting this weekend. And Isaiah has his first chess tournament. The kids and I will spend Easter with my family. And I have a concert with friends in the city to attend! Charlotte's dance recital is next month. Oh and we have a wedding to attend (without kids!).  All good stuff. I need to focus on these things. Not the move. 

Because my life is good.

Example: our thoughtful & generous friends came and shampooed our carpets for us!

And my life is funny. 

Example: just 24 hours after the carpets were cleaned, one of my children peed on them in their sleep! 

I was going to continue to whine a bit more. Mostly about a certain stubborn and frequently screaming 20 month old. But I will save that for another time. Instead I will end with this...

Hannah's permanent marker masterpiece!

Update: I found a preschool for Charlotte for next year. Which feels really good. Yes, we still plan on traveling but at least I know one thing about our new schedule (while we are at my parents' house). The price is right and so is the location. Three afternoons a week. It will be good for her (and me) to have a little separation. Because the next year she starts kindergarten! 


  1. Thanks for linking up this post with Medical Mondays. I wish I could give you a big hug. I was there almost two years ago exactly. We were getting ready to start fellowship, but needed to move a couple of months before residency finished. The kids and I moved our stuff into storage waiting to find out where it would be delivered. Then we moved across the country to live with my parents and looked for a place to live in another state. We knew what city we would live in, but didn't have a place to live until about two weeks before be needed to be there. It was a mess, but it worked out.... it always seems to, and I know it will for you too.

  2. Hi from medical mondays! I totally relate to you we have moved to 2 different states for residency and now we are moving again for my husbands first job this June. I hate the logistics of moving but love meeting new people and exploring new towns. This is a crazy road but I don't think I could be on it any other way. Great blog and hang in there :)

  3. Thanks ladies! It's nice to hear from people who have been there & done that.

    After I linked-up I realized that about a year ago I wrote a very similar post about dreading third year (because of the changes) and I had linked that one too! I promise I am not always such a Debbie Downer. I just really don't like change...obviously:)

  4. Stopping by from MM. I'm so similar, just minus kids - we've been at our residency location for 2 years, now we're looking at fellowship moves next summer and I'm already in a state of panic! Good luck, if there's anything - it always eventually works out to be perfect :)

    1. Thank you. It's good to know I am not alone!