11:56pm - After one more contraction in the bathroom I manage to "launch" myself back into bed - bringing Joe along with me on speaker phone. As the nurse is checking my cervix I am quite...well...to put it nicely "verbal". Moaning and SCREAMING "I can't do this. I don't want to do this!". Then quickly followed by "Sorry I don't normally scream like this while in labor". My nurse declares me complete and ready to push.
11:58pm - With my nurse's declaration all screaming stopped instantly and instead I cry. I cry big fat tears. I cry because I know there is no stopping this. I can not deny the truth any longer. I cry because Joe is going to miss the birth of his second son and I know there is nothing I can do to change the situation. I cry because I feel so guilty for going into labor when I sent him away. I cry because it feels so wrong to give birth without my husband at my side. I cry because I am sad and scared and even a little bit happy all at once. I just cry.
12:02am - The on call OB comes into the room and another contraction begins nearly simultaneously. As she is putting on her gown and gloves I look her in the eyes and inform her "I am pushing". She responds with a simple "ok". So I push. I push with all my might.
12:03am - I push and his head is delivered (along with a hand). And then for an instant I consider stopping pushing (because typically the body is delivered with a second contraction) but no one told me to stop. So I just keep on pushing. One long continual push. And then at...
12:04am - he is out! Right there on the end of the hospital bed. There was no time for setting up for delivery. The bed was not "torn down". No stirrups were set up or used. The delivery lights were never turned on. There was no time for such things. Just like that he is here. And the doctor is placing him on my chest. And suddenly, despite the less than ideal circumstances, it all feels so wonderful and amazing. And I am marveling at the perfection that is my son. It is love at first sight. And I declare him to be the cutest newborn I had ever seen! I just want to hold him and study him forever...or atleast until curiosity gets the best of me and I just have to know his weight and length.
Over the course of the next couple hours all the usual post delivery events occur. I cut his cord. The placenta is delivered. Baby is weighed and measured. I eat my first post delivery meal (including a Pepsi) like a starved person. Baby and I have our first nursing session. We are transferred to my post partum room. During most of this time Joe remains on speaker phone with us. He is present in an odd way. Then at...
3:20am - Joe arrives at the hospital and I introduce him to his son. His fourth child. It was surreal. It was amazing. And a little sad. Bittersweet. I apologize profusely for not being able to wait for his arrival. He forgives me immediately. And together we marvel at our son. Our perfect blessing.
That is the story of how on Friday, January 30th 2015 at 12:04am
Levi Joseph joined our family
weighing 8 pounds and 5 ounces and measuring 21 1/4 inches in length
and we couldn't be more grateful to have him as a part of our family!