Tonight a thunderstorm was rolling into town as we were driving home from Bible study. Initially she was just nervous about the lightning and thunder. Then Isaiah mentioned hurricanes. By the time we pulled into our garage Charlotte had an entire hurricane escape plan for our family and insisted we pack bags of food and clothes and "special things" to have ready just in case there is ever a hurricane here. She was in a tizzy! And very determined to make this happen NOW. I promised her we would pack a hurricane box before hurricane season...but not tonight. Which seemed to satisfy her. Joe was rolling his eyes at all this worry-filled drama so I told him about the bag I had packed as child and stored in my closet just in case my house caught on fire. All the stuff I didn't want to lose. Clearly the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.
Ironically one of the things I've worried the most about the past 6 months is Charlotte and my decision to send her to kindergarten as a "young 5". I say my decision because honestly it was my decision. Joe trusted me to make the right decision. And initially it didn't even feel like I was making a decision. It was just the thing you do. You send your five year old to school, right?!? It's what I did with Isaiah and it all worked out well so I didn't really consider an alternative. Charlotte turned five in June and she started school in August.
And then started the worrying. Was it the right choice? Is she too young? Is it too much for her...emotionally, physically, mentally and socially? A mere three weeks in I was ready to pull her from school. She was so tired and emotionally labile. But then things got better. So we continued. A month would pass and there would be another incident...a mean classmate or hard test or scary substitute teacher and I'd be ready to pull her from school once again. But her teacher sang her praises at conferences so I kept her in school. I would be okay for a bit and then the worry would start up again. It's a vicious cycle.
Just tonight that worry and regret came back. I'm worried that I did in fact make the wrong decision. She is still so young. And all day kindergarten is a lot for her. She has friends but she's struggling to choose her friends wisely. Plus (and here's the fact that just doesn't sit well with me) I could have had her home with me for one more year. I could have kept her little just a little bit longer. But now it's too late. That opportunity is gone. And I'm not sure I made the right decision for my daughter.
I'm not sure where we go from here. What we will do. But I do know we will have a hurricane box packed ASAP.