I live HERE.

Last week my cousin came down and spent a few days with me. Her kids and my kids played HARD. We spent our days at the beach and the evenings at home. It was exactly what I needed. Someone familiar. Someone who really knows me. Adult interaction. As a bonus my children enjoyed having playmates that weren't their siblings. But then on Friday after the party she left for home. And on Saturday Joe went back to the hospital to start up his eight consecutive day work week. And that sad, sinking feeling started to creep back in. But I felt it coming and I fought it. I refused to let it settle. Because I don't want to be sad anymore. 

Instead of settling into the sad I went to the residency girls night on Friday despite feeling slightly (ok. REALLY) awkward as the new girl. And Saturday I kept the kids and I busy. Putting our house back together after company plus a trip to the library AND a new-to-us playground. A playground that actually has baby swings! Too bad my baby fell asleep in the car on the way there. And then on Sunday the kids and I went to church. Our church. And instead of it feeling sad and lonely it just felt normal. Like the thing we do. Without Joe. After church we checked out a sea life rescue place. I rounded out the day by finally unpacking and putting away the boxes of random stuff that had collected in our bedroom. These boxes were beginning to mock me every time I walked in my bedroom. I was afraid they were going to live in my room like unwanted squatters until the day we decided to move OUT of here. And yesterday I managed to shower in the morning BEFORE we got out the door to get the kids registered for school. At the registration I killed a roach while waiting in line like it was NO BIG DEAL. Which it kind of is these days. (Let's not dwell on the fact that there are roaches the size of Levi's foot in my kids new school because...EEEEWWWWW!)

Yesterday the kids and I were hanging out (in the shade of palm trees along the waterfront!) with a fellow residency wife + her kids when she made a comment that resonated with me. It wasn't particularly profound or deep. But it perfectly expressed how I've been feeling but unable to explain to anyone (my very perplexed husband included) for the past 8+ weeks. She simply said, "I want to feel like I live here." Amen sister. And me too! 

Before we moved here we heard from numerous well wishing friends and family "Oh what an exciting adventure!"  And I whole-heartedly agreed. This move has been quite the adventure. And I do love a good adventure. But that's not what I want anymore. Now I just want to live my life. In my house. In my town. With my family. And my friends. To find my routine and rhythm. And slowly, with great effort I'm finding that life here. I have Isaiah signed up for soccer. Charlotte signed up for dance. And I registered myself and the two littlest ones for MOPS here. I've forced a few residency wives to hang out with me and my kids. Some of whom I bombard with daily (sometimes hourly!) texts. Because these are the ways I know how to do life. And if I want to feel like I live HERE I have to start living. Next up on my "I live HERE" campaign: finding a pediatrician for Levi and Hannah's slightly overdue well child checks. Because nothing says this is home like a doctor appointment, right?! Right.