Right here.

Yesterday was one of those days.

The kind where I drove my son to school in my pjs and made it there just barely on time. And I started an email only to finish it 60 minutes later. The entire message was one picture + two sentences so clearly it should have taken a fraction of that time. I spent all morning trying to empty and reload the dishwasher. I dosed Tylenol and ibuprofen for a feverish child while trying to keep her baby brother from attacking her. I helped the five year old read. And played babies with the three year old. I prepared, served and cleaned up after three meals. Meals I myself barely got a chance to eat. I wiped noses and bottoms. I scrubbed poop off the bathroom floor while the baby clawed at the door begging to be near me. I attempted to clean up toys and general debris throughout the entire house. I put a certain child in time out...several times. I instructed children on how to behave respectfully toward their siblings and apologize when necessary. I taught the baby to sign "more" and that felt like a HUGE victory. I also caught the entire contents of his stomach after he gagged on a hash brown at the very end of dinner. Speaking of dinner, I cooked dinner and simultaneously helped my son research the history of Tokyo for a school project while holding the baby on my hip. I dropped kids off at church for their Wednesday evening program. Then in an act of desperation I dragged the feverish child sans shoes (oops!) through the public library to find a book on Tokyo. Oh and somewhere in the middle of all that I attempted to study. To prepare for my re-certification exam next week. 

And while I'm certain I have a good chance at failing my PA exam, I feel content with where I am at right now. I'm right where I need to be at this moment. For this stage in my life - this stage in my children's lives - I'm where my heart says I need to be. 

Right here. In middle of my big old messy house. With these crazy kids that keep me running from sun up to sun down  (and sometimes all night too). 

Someday I'll be back in the clinic...after I pass that scary exam. But for now I'm happy to be here. Because I know in a blink of an eye these babies won't be babies anymore. (Half of them already aren't babies!) And I don't want to miss these days. Mess and all.