Levi's dedication

This morning at church we had Levi dedicated. 

More accurately we stood up on the stage (alter?) and promised that we as parents would DEDICATE OURSELVES to raising Levi in the church. Raising him to know God. And to hopefully someday on his own choose to follow Him as his personal savior. We made these vows to each other and to our pastor and congregation and of course to that happy clapping baby on my hip. And while a small part of my brain is always thinking "I hope we look alright" and "I hope none of my kids misbehave or vomit* on this stage". Mostly these dedication services remind me just what a privilege and an honor and HUGE responsibility it is to raise these little people that have been entrusted to us for a short time here on earth. 

Looking at these pictures it's hard to believe that we would ever fail in our efforts to raise our children exactly how we promised we would. But we do. Often. We aren't always picture prefect. And tonight as I was reading the girls a bedtime story I was reminded just how much room for improvement there is in my parenting. I was reading from the children's Bible and our conversation went a little something like this...

Charlotte (interrupting my reading): The Bible also says we are supposed to obey our mom and dad. 

Me: That's right!

Hannah: Mr. Michael (her favorite Sunday school teacher) says we are supposed to obey our mom and dad too. 

Me: Uh huh. 

Hannah: And I told Mr. Michael that one time you were screaming at us because no one was obeying. But I was obeying!

Me: You did?

Hannah: Yep. I told him you screamed. But it was just Charlotte and Isaiah that weren't obeying because I was. I obeyed. And you screamed at us. 

Me: And what did Mr. Michael say?

Hannah: Nothing. 

Ok then. Wow. I may never be able to show my face in our new church again! 

*Admittedly most of the time it's misbehavior I'm worried about and not vomit. However a mere twenty-four hours before these pictures were taken that adorable brunette three year old child was vomiting all over our already stained and pitiful twelve year old couch. Hence the fear of vomit. FYI - the couch was not salvageable. Our family's sanity was. And on a brighter note we've already found a newer, far less stained replacement couch thanks to CraigsList! 

tired.

I know. I know. I said the blog was dead. Or at least mostly dead. But there is just one teensy tiny little thing I want to record. And it's this:

I'm tired. 

I'm tired all the time. 

Which doesn't seem worthy of writing down. But here's the thing, right now I am perpetually tired. I feel like a zombie most of the time. I'm so sluggish and tired I can't imagine NOT being tired. But I'm hoping this is temporary and I can look back and say "I'm so glad I made it through that terrible tired phase"! So I'm writing it down. Because I think that if I do move past this phase my mind will block it out and I won't even remember to be grateful for my none tired state. (And yes! Logical-not-at-all-irrational IS my middle name.)

Oh and this is NOT a I'm-sad-and-depressed-and-just-want-to-sleep-and-hide-from-my-life-all-the-time kind of tired. I know because in the past three months since residency started I have experienced that kind of tired. Nope that's not what is happening now. Thankfully I've come to accept this life and this town. And I'm okay with both of them. I'm not sad and hiding anymore. I'm just tired. 

Very, very tired.  And I'm beginning to think this is my new normal. Like it or not. I knew residency would deprive my husband (the actual resident) of sleep. And I expected him to be perpetually tired. And he is. I guess I just didn't expect to be so tired myself. 

Hello residency. My name is exhausted wife of resident. It's nice to meet you. I'll just go have my second Pepsi of the day and try not to fall asleep on my couch while my children play. 

 

How a blog dies.

I love reading. I have ever since the third grade. However over the last few years my reading for fun has dwindled to nearly non-existent. In fact most of my reading consists of reading blogs on my phone. Dozens of blogs. Mostly mom blogs. Funny kid stories. Real life struggles. Just the happenings of a family. Much like this here blog of mine. And over the years I have watched more than a few blogs die. Sometimes it's a slow drug out process other times it's sudden. Without warning. Either way it ends, I'm always left wondering WHY?!? Where did they go? What happened?!? Did something tragic happen?

And now sadly I fear I am that blogger. The one with the blog circling the drain. And here's the thing, there is no good reason. Nothing big or dramatic or life changing has happened. We are still here living life. And I certainly have plenty I WANT to record. For example how Isaiah very seriously asked me what kind of food I thought they served at the "Human Express" as we drove past the "Hunan Express" awhile back. Or how Levi is suddenly mobile and can army crawl across the room like its no big deal! Or how I left the kids + a neighbor boy in the backyard the other day and by the time I threw in one load of laundry Hannah had turned on the hose and had all the kids trapped in/on the playhouse. She was holding all the big kids hostage! (To say she is a handful is a major understatement.) Or how Charlotte had a small potty accident on the third day of kindergarten and it took every ounce of my self restraint to NOT drive over there and scoop her up and bring her home. And when the nurse told me over the phone that Charlotte was crying and dressed in the school's extra clothes and looked like a HOBO, my heart broke for her and I cried too. 

However I can't seem to find the time to record these things or the dozens of other moments I don't want to forget either. Because when I can't find the time to mop my floors once a week...I can't justify using any "extra" time to write. (For the record I scrubbed the kitchen floor this morning. It's hard to tell because it's still sticky and blotchy. But I promise I attempted to clean it before writing this.) 

Maybe this is the end. Maybe not. I sure hope not! But I really don't know. I want to write. In fact I have half a dozen drafts started but none completed. But first I have to figure out how to balance this life I'm living. How to juggle four kids (two of whom are in school...but not the same school!), a husband in residency and maintaining our home and sanity. And right now I'm not doing a very good job at any of those things. I can't seem to complete a load of laundry in under 48 hours meanwhile Joe is working crazy hospital hours + knocking dozens of house projects off his list every chance he gets! His last day off he managed to install three new ceiling fans in our house (without electrocuting himself!). I on the other hand made it to Walmart and purchased 3 of the 6 items I needed that same day. Like I said, I don't quite have it figured out yet. 

So until I do, this is me saying GOODBYE. It's been good. I hope to be back. But I make no promises. 

Time of death 14:32. 

Levi: 28 weeks

Likes: his stuffed baby turtle. He could care less about the mama turtle with all her bells and whistles but the plain baby turtle...oh how he loves it! The loaned to us IKEA dangling toy bar thingy. Stealing my cup and chewing on the straw. Perhaps a straw cup of his very own should be purchased. Perhaps.

Dislikes: Diaper changes. He doesn't mind the fresh diaper but the laying still part is like torture! Basically changing his diaper is the equivalent of a mama-baby wrestling match. Most of the time I win. But just barely!

Eating baby food. The first couple bites were GREAT! (Pictured below) But it's been all down hill since then...he acts as though we are trying to poison him. Which would be funny if it weren't so frustrating! 

Quirks and Habits: Crying, fussing, drooling and clinging to me. Day and night. Poor guy has a couple teeth coming in...and it's not going so well. (See week 28 picture above.) He is just MAD at life. 

When he isn't chewing on frozen toys or fussing, he spends quite a bit of time sitting up like the big boy he is! 

Babbling constantly. Lots of bababababa. A little dadadada. And I swear ONLY when he is upset he says mamamama! What a stinker. 

Lounging on the beach at sunset taking adorable pictures...

Ok. That one really isn't much of a habit as it only happened once. But oh my goodness...how cute is that picture?! Too cute. 

Reasons why I am currently smitten with him...

This crabby teething phase has me thinking. That normally Levi is such a happy baby. He is what you would describe as an "easy baby". He smiles often. Laughs easily. And just rolls with the flow. He goes to other people happily. He stil naps virtually anywhere as long as he has his pacifier and doggy blanket. I'm so thankful for his good natured disposition. He is definitely a good baby to end my baby phase with. My happy little hip riding companion. 

My beach buddy:)

One of those days

Ever have one of those days when you want to wave the white flag of surrender before lunch time rolls around because your three year old is clearly ruling the roost? But you can't because it's another 8+ hours before your co-parent returns. So instead you take the wild child + siblings out to run errands because you know YOU will be forced to behave civilly regardless of the children's behavior. And then upon your return home you allow the children to have a leftover birthday cake FREE FOR ALL just so you can indulge in a mid-day bowl of ice cream without hiding in the bathroom. And then as a last ditch effort to save this miserable cry and scream filled day you pack a picnic supper and all the swim gear and take the children for an evening swim because it is still 3 hours until your knight in blue scrubs returns? And then once you are already in the pool with all four children you notice that your swimsuit is inside out? And like the icing on the cake you run into one of your husband's colleagues at the EXACT moment the baby tries to pull down your swim suit top and the three year old runs out of the bathroom bottom-less asking to be wiped. Ever have one of those days?

No?

Me neither ;-)