I feel as though Joe and I earned a new parenting badge last night, bringing us up to the next parenting level. 

Seven years ago when we became parents I didn't realize there were such a thing as parenting levels (or stages). I thought a parent was a parent was a parent. End of story. How wrong I was! Because in reality there are many levels/stages. To start there's the in-utero parenting which isn't parenting at all (but don't tell the expectant parents that)! It's the real deal to them. Then there's the sleepless nights and endless diaper changing newborn stage that is chocked full of emotional lability (for the baby & new parents alike) and insecurities in parenting decisions abound! Parents blink an eye and their little charge is a talker and an explorer. This stage is all about setting limits while allowing age-appropriate freedoms. It's teaching basic right from wrong. Next comes preschoolers and when you first enter this stage as a parent you think your child is so BIG and so OLD. Like a full grown kid! Ha. But then that baby goes to kindergarten and suddenly you are the parents of an actual big kid! And you start to worry that you are screwing them up. Like for real. Permanent damage....and they are old enough to remember! Parenting a real kid is no joke. But I digress. My point (yes I have one!) is this: Isaiah had a sleepover birthday party at our house last night with his two best buddies and we all survived. And for that I feel like Joe and I deserve an award or something. At the very least acknowledgement that we are officially the parents of a FOR REAL big kid. A seven year old (well technically next week - close enough)! 

A sleepover! A sleepover in which very little sleeping took place. The last two boys fell asleep at nearly 1 AM. And the first two boys woke up before 5 AM. Isaiah unfortunately was part of both of those groups. (Guess who is taking a nap today?)

But A LOT of fun was had. The boys ate corn dogs and fries followed by chocolate cake. We went down to the lake where the boys climbed rocks and stayed off the toxic hot lava (aka the sand). We had a campfire and roasted marshmallows in our backyard. We then attempted to wrap up the evening with a movie and popcorn in bed. Unfortunately the boys had other non-sleep related activities planned for the night. Namely talking (a mile/minute!), playing Hero Factory and making rainbow loom projects. I fell asleep before any of the boys! Thank goodness Joe requires very little sleep and has endless patience. He was up with them until the very end. 

While it was a very energetic (and tiring) evening, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to their seven-year-old-boy conversations. Almost everything became a competition. Who knew multiplication and division the best. Who had lost the most baby teeth. (Isaiah came in dead last with zero.) Who told the funniest knock knock joke. And on and on and on. It was very entertaining! 

We are all a little tired today. (And not much packing has happened. Surprise. Surprise.) But I would say it was worth it. Because Isaiah claims it was "the best birthday EVER!" Which is how I want him to remember his seventh birthday. Not as the year the moving truck showed up and moved him away from the only house he remembers. 

Too much sugar and not enough sleep. That's a good birthday. 

a golden day

It's Charlotte's birthday!!!

Today she is FOUR! Which means it's also her golden birthday. And a golden opportunity for us to take a break from all things move related:)

Here's a little peak into our celebrations thus far:

It's been pretty low-key. Lots of sugar. A couple presents. Mostly a lot of fun with siblings and friends. Next up on our agenda (after rest time) is a pedicure & manicure for the birthday girl (and maybe her mommy too). And then grandma and grandpa should arrive in time for pizza and ice cream! 

Mostly today I am wondering how this sweet bundle has transformed into a fun and sometimes sassy four year old already?!? Where did the last 1,460 days go?!?

Joe kindly pointed out the obvious to me last night...maybe I wouldn't be so worn out if I didn't take on extra (unnecessary) projects right now. Oh like staying up late making a miniature birthday banner. Perhaps. However crafting is like a balm for my weary self. It relaxes me. It energizes.  And that tiny golden banner is ADORABLE. Totally worth losing a little sleep to create:) Especially because the birthday girl thought it was "so cute". 

solo

I am hanging on by a thread these days. A thread so thin I am sure it is going to snap at any moment. It's no fun living this way. Just ask my kids. Though they are too nice to mention it (and/or too young to truly grasp it). They know. They know mom is one sibling squabble...one glass of spilled milk...one toddler tantrum away from breaking down. 

The to-do list in my mind feels enormous and ever-growing. And yet my time to accomplish all the tasks necessary to wrap up life here seems so sparse.  (Three years of life!) And my energy is non-existant. And yet there is no way out. Except to keep plowing ahead. Because I have to. We are moving. It has to be done. 

The worst part about this entire moving experience (so far!) has been the fact that I have been doing it on my own. Unless of course you count my children as help - which I don't. They are more like UNhelpers. See the thing is Joe has been gone for the last 5 weeks. Away at his psychiatry rotation. (He actually sleeps in the basement of the psychiatry hospital that he is working at. Cozy, eh?) So that leaves me at home doing all the child rearing, housekeeping, and general life stuff PLUS packing for our impending move. Flying solo. But it feels more like drowning. 

And I just can't do it anymore. I am physically and mentally exhausted. And tired. And lonely. I want to quit. I want to take a nap. I want to ignore all my responsibilities. (Ignorance is bliss and all that jazz.) I really want to quit. 

But since I can't do that. It just isn't an option. This is my life and these are my responsibilities (as much as I want to ignore them). I have done the next best thing. I have called in my back-up. MY PARENTS! They are coming tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! 

We will live to see another day. I think. And another box will get packed. And hopefully a dozen more shortly after that one. My kids will have actual fun interactions in their little lives. And maybe just maybe I will take a nap. We will survive. I think. 

This thread. It's thin. Barely visible. It's hard to see with tear-filled eyes. Tears that sting of defeat. This move has kicked my butt and it hasn't even happened yet. 

PS. Sorry for being all doom & gloom. It's just how I am truly feeling at the moment. I do realize that my trials are not actual trials. It's just regular life stuff. And in a couple weeks..maybe even just a few days...I will laugh at my melodramatic self. But right now I am worn out and overwhelmed. I mean it's just a move, right?!?

PPS. Thankfully Joe is home tonight. And then tomorrow my reinforcement will show up. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. 

PPPS. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to throw a sleepover birthday party AND a going away/kid birthday party one week before the move?!? All 75 cupcakes that I need to bake and frost are mocking me from inside their cake mix box...

snippets

Last week I was able to attend Isaiah's end of first grade open house (thanks to a friend watching the girls). It was great seeing him in his element (in an environment outside of our family/home). That's all. I saw my boy at school and I loved it. I am such a MOM. 

Yesterday I took just Charlotte with me to run an errand. And for the first time I didn't mind all the trinket-y kid stuff at the checkout aisle because she was so thoroughly distracted that she never once noticed the birthday gift I was buying for her a mere two feet away!! Plus one child's pleas for stuff is a lot easier to tune out than three! (Sidenote: how is she turning 4 in two days?!?)

As we were walking into the store Charlotte pointed out the people crossing sign to me. She told me she knew what it meant..."NO TAKING PEOPLE from streets". Got it. Duly noted. I left all extra people in the street:) 

Speaking of yesterday, it was my birthday. My 31st birthday. Which seemed like a far less big deal in comparison to my birthday last year. Although I still tried to convince Isaiah that I turned 29 again. He wasn't buying it. That kid is too smart for my good:) But he assured me that I am not old. According to him I will be old once I am in my fifties!

So my FIL was the first person to call and wish me a "Happy Birthday". In fact I thought he was going to be the only person to call me until my parents called at 9pm! Facebook greetings and text messages have definitely replaced birthday cards and phone calls...not sure how I feel about that. 

Regardless I had a great birthday. The weather cooperated and we spent the evening at the beach. In fact I took the entire day off from packing. It was a very relaxing day. 

Want to know what feels like cruel and unusual punishment? Getting ready to move during a season change. Because amidst trying to pack everything, I am also trying to change out my wardrobe plus all the kids wardrobes!!! It's enough to drive me batty. Especially since our weather is wavering between rainy 60 degree days and sunny 80 degree days!  Ack. It's terrible. (I'll survive. Thanks for listening.) Isaiah is pretty excited about his new summer clothes. Especially because I didn't put them in his drawer as sets. He chooses his own outfits. Big stuff around here. 

More moving prattle. I promise it will end eventually. I FINALLY went through and sorted/purged three boxes of random stuff that I had packed but not used TWO moves ago. It was all the stuff I didn't want to deal with so I just packed it up and pretended it didn't exist. Ironically I am now entering that stage with this move. Just throwing random stuff in random boxes and I don't care! Luckily this time I am throwing away more stuff as I go. But still the random stuff boxes are inevitable. 

Lastly because confession is good for the soul. The girls have been watching A LOT of cartoons lately. It's been my preparing-to-move clutch and I know it. I feel halfway bad about it. But not bad enough to change anything. They are occupied and I am getting things packed. 

That's all she wrote. 

my little graduate

Today Hannah graduated from speech therapy! Okay technically it was an "exit interview & evaluation" but it felt like a graduation to me because she no longer qualifies for speech therapy. BECAUSE...wait for it...her speech abilities are in the normal range for her age!! Low end of normal. But we will take it and run. 

It is incredible to me how far she has come in such a short time. Her screaming is fading away as her words emerge. It's almost just a memory now. Almost. Five months ago when she started speech she had a ONE WORD vocabulary. Today she uses 60+ words AND has started to put two words together in rudimentary sentences. Her current favorites are "Mommy happy!" and "Yaya eyeball". (Recently there was an incident of Isaiah squirting shampoo in Hannah's eye. I don't think she has forgiven him yet.) 

This graduation from speech therapy is an answer to prayer. A very timely one at that! While I am very excited to hit the away-rotation-road with Joe and the kids this summer I was worried about taking Hannah from the therapy she needs. But she doesn't need it anymore. We are cleared to go (so to speak). Although I do worry that her incredible progress will cease or slow without therapy. It's back to just me teaching her and that didn't go so well the first time...so yea, I'm a little nervous. But I am going to give it my best shot. 

Speaking of hitting the road, we finally know where we are going!!! End of June the kids and I will join Joe in Iowa for a four week emergency medicine rotation. Then at the end of July we will pack up and make the trek over to Michigan for another 4 week emergency medicine rotation. After that Joe is hoping to go to Las Vegas for a rotation and the kids and I will head back to Minnesota. While I am ALL for us sticking together as a family, Nevada at the end of August sounds miserable to me. Thanks but no thanks. 

It's going to be a fun summer! If I can get us packed and moved that is.